


just believe

by parkrstark



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Captivity, Christmas, Coma, Dehumanization, Depression, Gen, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Implied/Referenced Underage Stripping, Insomnia, It's a Wonderful Life, Magic, Paralysis, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death, The Raft Prison (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-09-17 01:08:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: "Strange isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around, he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"--Peter is hurt because of his relationship with Tony and falls into a coma. Tony blames himself and thinks that Peter would be better off if he'd never gotten invovlved in his life. Strange shows him a collection of different pasts, presents, and futures of Peter's life to show him that he was meant to be in the kid's life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been planning this story for months. It got put on the side burner for my Big Bang, but now it's Christmas time and it's time to start working on/posting my Christmas fic! I've been so excited to write it since I got the idea of having an "It's a Wonderful Life" inspired storyline with Iron Dad. 
> 
> Please read the tags I've used and be careful! This fic deals with a few dark themes that could be triggering for some people.  
> I debated whether I wanted to post this as one long chapter or split it up, and in the end, I decided on multiple chapters because it makes it easier for me to label each chapter accordingly and let you know what to expect in that chapter's "illusion". You don't have to read every single chapter to understand the fic. You'll miss out on angst and little plot points, but if it's too much, I don't want you to force yourself to try and read it. Just skip that chapter. 
> 
> Most of the triggers are only implied/referenced, but still there are times when they get heavy and I'd rather be safe than sorry. 
> 
> You can thank losingmymindtonight for this angst-fest because she let me scream to her and helped me with ideas.

_"When it seems that we have lost our way_   
_We find ourselves again on Christmas Day"_

_-Believe Josh Groban_

 

Sometimes, miracles weren’t answered prayers or life-saving acts of divine mercy.

Sometimes, miracles were getting out of a meeting early so Tony could pick up his kid after school.

 

It was a last minute decision and Tony gave Happy the afternoon off so he didn’t have to drive down to Queens. Happy didn’t mind picking Peter up, but he enjoyed being able to stay in. So, Tony hopped in one of his Audis, the kid could use some esteem boosting in front of the school, and he started driving to Peter’s school.

FRIDAY had the navigation programmed into his system, but by now, he had two new routes memorized in his mind: the Midtown School of Science and Technology and the Parker apartment.

He pulled up by the school just before the kids were going to be let out, so Tony had to wait in a short line for the cars to drive by, pick up their kids, and keep going. He was only waiting for a few minutes before he got to the front and saw Peter come running with a smile. He knew the bright orange car belonged to Tony and Happy wasn’t behind the wheel.

He ran over and pulled open the passenger car door. Tony made sure to have the heated seats already on and the heat blasting. Peter had trouble with the cold and he already looked close to an icicle. He had a hat pulled over his hair and had his ears sticking out with his curls. His cheeks and nose were rosy red.

“I’m surprised you didn’t eat ass running over here like that. You know how much ice is on the ground right now?” Tony asked with an amused smile as Peter buckled himself in.

“Excuse me, old man. Maybe if my chauffeur wasn’t late then I wouldn’t have been outside in the freezing sub-zero temperatures for so long.”

“Who taught you such lip?” Tony asked with a raised eyebrow as he pulled away from the school.

“Tony Stark,” he replied without hesitation.

Tony smiled as he drove carefully along the icy roads. Usually, he’d be speeding down the streets without a care, but he had precious cargo in the seat next to him. “Oh, I’m sure he did.” He looked at him from the corner of his eye as he drove, voice growing serious. “You okay though? Not too cold? Warming up?”

“I’m fine, _Mom_.” Peter rolled his eyes as he pulled off his hat, his curls from the static. He didn’t bother to try and tame them like he used to in the past when his hair curled in front of Tony.

“I could have left you out there to freeze. Coulda been the next Cap.”

“That would be cool,” Peter agreed with a smile. “I want a giant frisbee.”

“Put it on your list to Santa,” Tony said. He and May had been discussing Christmas since September. Even though the kid was old enough to know Santa wasn’t real, he always pretended as if he did. They all knew that Peter knew, but no one said a word about it. If they could have one thing were Peter still had the chance to be a child, they were going to let him keep it. So, Tony had a closet in the tower full of gifts to Peter from May, him and Pepper, and Santa. There was nowhere in the Parker apartment that May could effectively hide the gifts.

“I already have my number one slot filled in,” Peter said.

“Oh, yeah?” Tony asked curiously. “What’s that?”

“A new mentor.”

It took a second for Tony to wrap his head around what Peter said and then he narrowed his eyes as Peter laughed. “You’re such a shit. You know that, right?”

Peter just continued to laugh as he turned on the radio in the car, singing along to the Christmas carols playing.

Tony huffed. “You know, Santa is always watching. You might just end up on the naughty list.”

Peter stopped singing to give him a bored look. “I go out almost every night and save people. I’m pretty sure that outweighs me giving you a hard time when he’s checking his list twice.”

“I’m not too sure about that. Maybe Santa has something against bratty vigilantes.” Tony shrugged his shoulders as he slowed down to stop for traffic. Now he remembered why he had Happy pick the kid up; it took a year and a day to get home.

“I doubt--.” Peter went silent suddenly and sat up straight in his seat. He was looking around with wide eyes. Tony knew that look, but Peter confirmed his guess. “Something’s wrong.”

Tony knew Peter’s spidey sense went off at just about anything surprising, but the kid knew when it was an actual threat. He looked around for anything that could tip them off to what was so threatening. “Maybe an accident? The roads are a mess.”

“Maybe,” Peter murmured as he stayed alert.

He didn’t relax the few minutes they were stopped in traffic and when they started to drive slowly, getting back into the bustle of the main city streets, Peter got even more agitated. It hadn’t been this bad outside in a while. _Something was really wrong._

“Tony, stop,” he panicked. “Pull over. I can’t--.” Peter was starting to hyperventilate as his chest rose and fell in rapid succession.

“Okay, okay, buddy, hold on.” Tony drove even slower as he waited to reach a street he could pull over at.

“An accident-- maybe it’s a car accident? I don’t--.” Before Peter couldn’t even calm down and catch his breath, his window was broken by something thrown into the car. A small sphere landed on Peter’s lap and it took only a second for them to pick up on the monotone beeping. There was a countdown in red numbers, slowly going down from 0:15.

Tony had never acted so fast. He grabbed the bomb off of Peter’s lap and screamed for him to run as he chucked it in the back seat. He didn’t move. “Dammit, Parker, move your ass!” He screamed as he shoved him toward the door. He opened his own door to get out so Peter knew he wasn’t going to stay behind. Tony finding safety as well was all Peter needed before he was falling out of the car.

Tony yelled to his watch, “FRIDAY, contain the explosion inside the car!” He got on the sidewalk and grabbed Peter by the arm, lifting him up and pulling him away from the curb just to be safe. People around them saw his commotion and followed his lead to get the hell out of there.

Seconds later, the car shook with the explosion inside and Tony let out a breath of relief.

Peter was safe. The bomb landed right on his lap, but he got out. He was okay.

He looked over to Peter, checking him over for any injuries. “Pete, you okay?”

“It’s not gone-- something’s happening, Mr. Stark.”

“Shit,” Tony cursed. He hoped it wasn’t some attack because if it was, they were in trouble. Peter was bundled up as _Peter Parker_ and Tony didn’t have a suit on him. He immediately sent an alert through his watch to send out a suit. Now. “Just stay back okay? I’m gonna call Hap--.”

He didn’t finish his thought before Peter was being ripped out of his reach suddenly. Even Peter let out a loud yelp as a big dude held him by his jacket, his toes a few inches off the ground. Peter knew what to do in a situation like this. They were in public and many were staring and no one was in immediate danger-- he wasn’t to give any signs that he was stronger than a normal kid. The bad guys knowing that Peter was enhanced could make things a hell of a lot worse.

“Let him go,” Tony said calmly. “He’s just a kid.”

“Shut up, Stark!” The man roared, shaking Peter slightly.

Tony raised his hands in submission. “What do you want? I’m listening. You can put the kid down.”

“You’re only listening because I’ve got him! When it’s your loved ones in danger, you’d do anything to keep them safe, huh?” The man shouted, his grip on Peter tightening.

“So, obviously, I’ve somehow wronged you in the past. But leave him out of this.” Tony tried to keep his own panic out of his voice. He just needed to stall until the suit arrived.

“You killed my family.”

Tony bit the inside of his cheek. Of course, he killed his family. Because hardly anyone recognized the lives Iron Man saved, only the ones he couldn’t. “I’m sorry--.”

“I’m not here for your sympathy or games, Stark. I know me here whining to you isn’t going to bring them back. The only thing I can do is hope you learn to try more in the future to save as many innocent lives as you can.”

“He already tries his best, jerkhole!” Peter yelled, glaring at the man. Tony shushed him quickly.

The man continued on like Peter hadn’t opened his mouth, “The only way for you to realize how important that part is of saving the world-- not just stopping the villains but stopping the innocent lives being slain-- is for you to lose your own innocent.”

“What?” Tony’s wide eyes were on Peter as the man threw him behind him with flinching.

Peter yelled out as he flew through the air, just as surprised. Even if he wanted to blow his identity, he couldn’t reach his web shooters underneath all of his layers to help him.

The car didn’t see him until it was too late. The ice on the ground made it impossible to stop short.

It all happened so fast.

The car hit Peter so hard, he dented the hood and he went sailing a few feet before he hit the icy ground. Tony could hear the impact of his head cracking against the street over the loud city noises. The yelling and honking were white noise as Tony watched Peter stay as a heap on the ground.

“Peter!” He screamed so loud it ripped his throat raw. He didn’t have to worry about him when other civilians that saw what happened were already tackling him to the ground and restraining him until the police could get there. He really didn’t care about anyone other than his kid.

He almost fell on his ass, running to get to Peter. The person that hit him was already getting out of their car and coming over to the other few people that reached Peter first. Tony shoved his way through the growing crowd. People were already calling for doctors and ambulances. If Peter were awake, he’d be calling for him.

But he wasn’t.

Tony fell to his knees by Peter and put a hand on his shoulder. “Peter, buddy, hey.” HIs hands were shaking. Peter wasn’t moving.

“We called an ambulance. He’s bleeding pretty heavily from his head.”

Tony didn’t need to be told that; he saw the growing puddle of blood beneath his head. Tony knew head wounds always bled more, but that did absolutely nothing to calm his worries. He reached out a shaking hand to check his pulse. It beat weakly under his fingers.

“Don’t move him,” someone said to him. Like he needed to be told what to do in emergency situations like this. He was Iron Man. He’d been through much worse than this. But it was never Peter. Peter was never the one that was _this_ hurt. Spider-Man got burned and bruised, but _Peter Parker_ was knocked out cold, bleeding out in front of him.

“Pete, wake up,” Tony said, his voice growing desperate. “Please, buddy, I’m sorry. I’m sorry--please wake up.”

He wouldn't wake up.

 

Tony stayed by Peter’s side until the paramedics came to load him into the ambulance.

No matter how much Tony begged, he didn’t wake up.

Not on the street. Not in the ambulance. Not in the hospital.

* * *

Hours later, after doctors ran their tests and after Peter was hooked up to IVs, machines, and a ventilator, May and Tony were sitting by his bed waiting for anything. Peter looked a step away from death; he was pale and bruised. The ventilator was doing most of his breathing for him and there were so many wires to watch his vitals.

He was also in a coma.

The doctor came in and said he didn’t know why Peter wasn’t waking up. He had a fractured skull and there was cranial bleeding, but the doctors fixed it. They fixed everything wrong with him, but he still wasn’t waking up.

The next 24 hours would be the most critical time because until after these hours passed, their chances of losing Peter were higher than not. But even then, he could still never wake up. They just didn’t know.

Rhodey, Happy, and Pepper were on their way over, but for now, it was just May and Tony.

“I’m sorry,” Tony said suddenly, looking down at his lap. “God, May, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“You’ve already apologized,” she said, her voice so tired. “I told you that you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“Peter was targeted because of _me_ . I couldn’t even save him. I’m fucking Iron Man and I can’t save m-- _your_ kid.” Tony stood up and ran a hand through his hair.

“Tony, don’t blame yourself. Please. We both know it’s not your fault. You’re not the one that threw him into the street. You’re not the one that hurt him.”

“He wouldn’t _be_ hurt if it weren’t for me.”

“Tony--.”

“I can’t keep getting your kid hurt, May. It’s not fair to you. He’s supposed to be enjoying his life with his friends and now he’s in a coma in a hospital bed. Days away from Christmas. Because of me.”

“What’s done is done, Tony. It wasn’t your fault. It never was. So, just sit down and let’s wait for him to wake up and tell you that himself.” May didn’t move from her spot next to Peter, holding his hand, but in her eyes, she was begging Tony to come and sit down again.

“I have to go. I’m sorry,” he said, quickly leaving the room without another look at Peter. He couldn’t see him in that bed like that. He tried to remember how he looked, smiling as he ran towards his car earlier that afternoon. But all he could see was him lying motionless in the street, surrounded by blood.

He pulled his phone from his pocket as he slammed open a door to find an empty hall. He dialed a number he hadn’t called in months and waited for the phone to stop ringing. “Strange, I need your help. I need you at NewYork-Presbyterian Queens. Now.”

Moments later, orange sparks appeared next to him and Strange stepped out, looking as worried as Stephen Strange could ever look. “Stark, what’s wrong?”

“I need you to save my kid.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm telling you; I'm super excited for this fic and I've had it planned for months so I hope to keep up an active update schedule because I'd like to wrap it up around Christmas. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter:   
> Child death, mentions of suicide

Tony had Strange look through all the reports and notes about Peter. Strange argued that the doctors working on him were doing their best and Tony easily persuaded him by saying no one could do better than Dr. Strange. He hated feeding the man’s ego, but for Peter, he’d do it. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Tony asked when he finally finished and they were back in an empty room. 

“I don’t know,” Strange said, sighing deeply. 

“You’re a neurologist! What do you mean,  _ you don’t know?”  _ Tony asked incredulously. 

“Doctors are not miracle workers, Stark.” 

“You’re a fucking wizard.” He gestured wildly to Peter’s room. “The kid is sleeping, so  _ wake him up.”  _ Tony couldn’t understand why this was so difficult. Especially for Strange.

“That’s not how it works. How many times do I have to tell you?” Strange huffed, rolling his eyes. 

Tony took a step closer, narrowing his eyes. “I know you’re just an arrogant douchebag, but try to be a decent human being for  _ one second.”  _

Strange narrowed his eyes right back. “I know you’re going through a lot right now, so I’m going to let that slide. But do not assume that I would not do all in my power to help that boy. I may not like you, but I like _him_.” 

Tony stared at him for a moment before his shoulders slumped and he let out a heavy sigh. He fell to the nearest chair and hung his head in his hands. “What the fuck do I do now? I promised that kid’s aunt I’d never let anything happen to him.”

Strange didn’t move from his spot and his voice sounded awkward trying to comfort Tony, but Tony was surprised he even knew how to try. “Doctors aren’t miracle workers and neither are you.” 

“Yeah, well, he’s here because of me,” Tony said, staring down at his feet. “He could die because of me.” 

“Tony,” Strange said, “you can’t blame yourself for this. He’s hurt and we don’t have any way to wake him up yet, but that isn’t your fault. The brain-- it’s a weird thing and no one on this earth fully understands everything it does and why.” 

“That’s not the point!” Tony shot up to his feet. “He’s only hurt because of me. Literally. He was hurt because some asshole wanted me to hurt. And guess what, it’s fucking working. He won. The kid may die and it’s all my fault.” 

“Sometimes things like this happen. But that boy is strong. We’ve both seen it firsthand many times. He fought Thanos and despite the shit he went through, he still fought hard. And he helped us win.” 

“Another time I fucked him up. Died on an alien planet because of me.” Tony still had nightmares of that day, no matter how many months had passed. He always would.

“He didn’t die. We were trapped in the soul stone and you helped save us. We wouldn’t have been saved  _ without you _ .” 

Tony didn’t care. He didn’t care about that. Because Peter survived a fucking Titan trying to murder half of the population, only to die months later because he hung out with Tony too much. “I wish I’d never met the kid.” 

“What?” Strange asked. 

Tony looked him in the eyes and repeated what he said, “I wish I’d never met the kid. Wish I'd never gotten involved in his life. He’d be a million times better without me. He'd be alive and well without me.” 

Strange stared at him as if he was trying to decide if he was being serious or not. “You really think that? You really think that Peter would be better off without you in his life?”

Tony scoffed. “I don’t think that. I  _ know  _ that.” 

“I pity you if you truly believe that.” 

Tony looked up at him quickly and snapped, “Of course you pity me. You pity everyone that isn’t you. Your talent, good looks, money, you’ve got it all.” 

Strange took a step forward. “You’ve got just the same as me. In fact, you’ve got even more than I do. You’ve got that kid. So, do not think for one second think that Peter would be  _ better off without you.”  _

“Thanks for the motivational speech, but save it for someone else.” 

Strange sounded angry now, even though Tony was the one with the right to be angry. “What happens now? You’re just going to abandon him?” 

“You mean _if_ he wakes up?” Tony asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I’m sure his aunt would love to hear you talk like this.” 

“I’m just being realistic here, Strange. You’re a doctor; you of all people should understand it,” he growled. 

“Give him a chance to fight this. He can beat it.” 

“But will he?” 

“What’s the point if you’re just going to abandon him?”

“He’ll be better off without me.” Tony squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to imagine the pain of having to live without Peter. Sure, he had Pepper and Happy and Rhodey...but Peter was Peter. Peter was his kid. No one could ever replace him. But, if it meant that Peter would be safer, he would stay out of his life. He promised May he would do whatever he had to do to keep him safe. 

“You really think that,” Strange said more than asked. “Well, then, let’s just see how much better Peter Parker would be if he had never met Tony Stark, then.” 

“What the hell is that supposed to me?” Tony asked, furrowing his brow. 

“It means I’m going to show you what life would be like for Peter if you were never to meet him.” Strange was already activating the time stone around his neck. “We’ll be busy until you realize how incredibly moronic you’re being.”

“Good luck with that, pal.” 

Strange rolled his eyes and starting working his magic until they weren’t in the hospital anymore. They were in a funeral home. There weren’t many people in the room, maybe a dozen or so. No one was talking or making a sound besides for a woman in the front sobbing as a man held her. 

Tony looked around, trying to figure out what was going on. “What the hell?” 

“We’re in 2011. Days after the Stark Expo,” Strange said. His voice wasn’t quiet and nobody turned to give them dirty looks, so Tony assumed no one could hear them. 

“Whose funeral is this?” 

“Why don’t we go up there and look?” 

Tony swallowed thickly, suddenly not wanting to move. But he did so anyway. He refused to look at any of the grieving loved ones around them. He’d destroyed enough lives to know how the broken families looked. As he made his way closer, he realized the coffin didn’t look right. “The casket is small.”

“It’s kid-sized.” 

Tony stopped moving, his eyes widened.”What?” 

“We’re at a child’s funeral.” 

“Why?”

Strange huffed. “Becuase you wanted to see a life where you never met Peter. That’s what I’m showing.”

Tony’s heart stopped beating for a few seconds. He quickly started to do the math in his head. 2011. Peter was born in 2002. That was 9-years-old, maybe 8 depending if the Expo fell before or after August. Tony couldn’t remember, but it didn’t matter because it still was the right age. Little Peter. He’d fit in there. 

He practically ran to the coffin, but couldn’t even tell who was inside because it was closed. Tony tried to grab it, but his hands went right through it. “I wouldn’t want to do that anyway. They close them for a reason.” 

Tony turned to face Strange and yelled, “Who the hell is in there?” 

“Tony--.” 

“No, dammit! Is he--,” Tony paused when his voice cracked. “Is Peter in there?”

Strange nodded his head towards the side of the room. Tony hesitated before following his gaze and saw the wall of photos. There was one large one framed and as Tony walked closer to the display, it became clearer. The middle picture was one of baby Peter, maybe two-years-old, being held by a woman he didn’t recognize. Maybe his mother. There was a man on the other side of Peter, kissing his cheek as the little boy smiled. Tony knew this had to be Peter because he knew the other woman in the picture: a younger May Parker. She was next to Ben, a man he’d only gotten the chance to know through pictures and stories. 

The pictures surrounding that large one were all of the different moments in the boy’s short life. He was always being held by someone and he had his little arms wrapped around them tightly. There was always a bright smile on his face.

On the bottom of the collage of pictures, it said in bold cursive: 

 

_ Peter Benjamin Parker  _

_ 2002-2011 _

_ “A moment in our arms,  _

_ forever in our hearts.” _

 

Tony took a step back, covering his mouth with his hand. He felt like he was going to be sick. He was a kid. A baby. How could this-- _wait._ He turned to Strange and said, “I didn’t meet him until he was 15. How the hell is he dead at 9?”

“Remember the sweepstakes Stark Industries ran for the Stark Expo?” Strange asked. “People sent in videos talking about why they loved Iron Man. Three winners would receive two free tickets.”

Tony blinked. “No-- the company did all that shit. I was never involved.” 

“Peter was one of the winners.” 

Tony looked up at him with wide eyes. 

“The judges loved his video. He won his tickets and took his uncle. Best day of his life, he said. You signed his picture. Told him you’d see him again soon.” 

Tony remembered vaguely. “The-- the boy with the mask?” 

“That was Peter.” Strange nodded his head. “He had a great time. Until Justin Hammer’s drones started attacking. You saved him. In your timeline, you save his life. But, if you never met him, then you weren’t there to save him.” 

Tony felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. He remembered saving that boy. The kid that really thought he could take on a Hammer drone.  _ Of course, that would be Peter.  _ If Tony didn’t save him, that meant Peter was shot by one of the drone’s missiles. No wonder the casket was closed. Tony was nauseous just thinking about it.

“I didn’t--.” 

“I want to thank you all for coming,” a broken voice interrupted Tony and he turned to look where May was standing in the front of the room by the casket with Ben still holding her. 

_ Oh, God.  _ This was going to break him. Tony knew it. 

“I hate to be together like this...but…” She trailed off, really unsure of where to go with that. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that it means a lot to us. Ben and I, we’re the only family he has left so to see neighbors and friends come would have meant the world to him. I bet he’d be running around with the biggest smile to greet you all if he could.” 

Tony felt his throat close up seeing May start crying again. 

“I can’t believe we’re saying goodbye to him-- I didn’t know...I didn't know when I said goodbye to him that morning it would be our last. I would have gotten a bigger kiss or held onto him longer. I would have kept him safe in my arms forever.” She couldn’t contain her cries anymore and had to wait a few moments to speak again. Ben hushed her gently and told her to take her time. “I don’t know what to say-- I don’t know. Parents aren't supposed to bury their babies. You never think it’s going to be you.” She took a deep breath. “I just hope his parents are up there holding him and keeping him safe. I hope he’s not alone and he’s happy. I just want him to be happy. And I hate that we can’t see that smile anymore, but one day we will.” 

Tony turned away. He couldn't watch this. May always held herself together. Even when the whole Thanos thing was happening, she didn’t break down nearly as much as Tony thought she would. She was good at holding herself together. He’d never seen her like this. “Okay, I get it--.” 

“Wait. They’re not done. You need to hear this part.” 

Tony glared at Strange before turning back to May and Ben. Ben started to speak and even his voice was cracking from tears. “We lost Pete too soon and I wish to God we didn’t, but he was happy that day. Iron Man...Tony Stark...there was no one Peter looked up to more. I can still see him running around that Expo with the biggest smile I’d ever seen. He was begging me to take pictures of everything so he could show his aunt when we got home. He wouldn’t stop talking about it all.” He turned his face into his shoulder and Tony saw him struggling not to break down like his wide. “And, I would give anything in this world to have him back, but I’m glad that his last day was a happy one and I know he would do it a million times again, no matter the ending.”

Tony couldn’t hear any more of it. He turned away. “Okay, God, I get it.” 

“The kid’s uncle blames himself for it. Felt like he should have kept a closer eye on him during the Expo and if he didn’t get out of his sight, he would have been okay. His uncle takes his own life a few months after just about drinking all the alcohol in New York.” 

“Jesus,” Tony said, covering his mouth. He wiped a hand over his face, letting his mind digest everything. The Parkers were ruined. All because of him. “I told you he’d be better off without me.” 

“Really?” Strange said. “Even after all of this, you still think Peter shouldn’t have met you?”

“He shouldn’t have ever looked up to me. He died because of Iron Man. He was at _my_ Expo. Hammer was trying to kill _me._ Peter would be alive if he never even cared about Iron Man.” 

Strange’s face hardened. “You really think that?” 

Tony looked over at the collage of pictures. “This is just another future where he’s dead because of me.” 

“This is gonna be a long day, isn’t it?” Strange groaned. “Fine. We’ll do this the hard way. I’ll show you a past where Peter Parker never looked up to Iron Man. I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“Whatever,” Tony said, desperate to get out of this illusion. “Let’s go.” 

The scene changed around him to a fate that was just as bad as the first. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:  
> Skip Westcott! This contains a non-graphic noncon scene involving a child.  
> Please stay safe.

The first thing Tony noticed was the small boy sitting on the bed. Tony could tell this obviously wasn’t his room because it was too teenagery. The band posters and the computer on the desk were only a few giveaways. 

“What is this?” Tony asked, looking around the room. It didn’t look familiar. 

“Watch,” Strange said just as the bedroom door opened. 

“Hey, Einstein. Sorry to keep you waiting.” He had snow white hair, looking to be about 16 or 17. Maybe he was an older brother? “My parents are gone for the rest of the night so I thought we could play our game in here. It’s more private. Don’t want you to get in trouble at your apartment, right?” 

Okay, so he wasn’t a brother...maybe a babysitter? A neighbor? 

The little boy didn’t respond. Tony couldn’t see his face because his back was to him, but he could see how his head was hanging low as he stared down at his lap. 

“You’re behind, Einstein. You know the drill: pants off.” The older boy smiled down at him, but it wasn’t a nice smile. It made Tony’s stomach churn. 

“What the fuck?” Tony said, not really to anyone particular. Probably, if anyone, to Strange because he was the one sending them here. 

The little boy obeyed and he pulled off his jeans, still looking down at his lap. Tony wanted to grab him in his arms and run away. The only thing keeping him from freaking out was the fact that this was just an illusion of a timeline that didn’t exist. Whoever this little boy was, he was safe. 

“Don’t look too sad. We’re gonna try something else today. It’ll be even more fun.” Then the boy started to pull down his own pants. 

Tony knew where it was going. He wished he didn’t. 

The boy kneeled down next to the younger one, both of them in their shirts and boxers. The older boy put a hand on the other’s thigh and said quietly, “I’m going to take these off now.” 

“No, Skip!” The boy shouted. 

“Hey,” Skip said, the smile disappearing, “don’t talk back. I’m your friend. Would I play a game with you that I didn’t think you’d like?”

The little boy deflated. “I didn’t like the other game,” he mumbled. 

“Which is why we’re playing a different one today, Einstein,” Skip’s faux smile was back, but to a little kid, it probably seemed real. 

Tony turned away before he could watch what happened after the boxers were on the ground. He tried to ignore the sounds behind him. The little boy crying out suddenly. Skip hushing him. The little boy’s whimpers. Skip’s moans. 

With his back to the bed, Tony said to Strange, “I get it.” He paused when the little boy let out a shriek, begging Skip to stop. “Can we skip to the part where Spider-Man comes through the window and saves the day?  _ Please?”  _

Strange stared at him with a look of pity as he asked, “You don’t recognize him?” 

“What do--?”

“Shut up, Peter! Be a good boy or else I’ll tell your aunt and uncle.” 

Tony froze and he shook his head, fear creeping up his spine. “No. Jesus, Strange. Tell me that’s not him.” 

“2012. He’s 10. The other is 16.” 

Tony covered his mouth, definitely feeling everything in his stomach coming back up. “Oh, my God. Holy shit. Peter--  _ Peter.”  _ He hesitated before turning his head to the bed. Strange had paused the scene and Tony saw the little boy’s--  _ Peter’s--  _ face being pressed into the mattress. His face was pinched in pain and tears were streaming down his cheeks. But it was him. The curls. It was Peter. 

In a flash of fury, Tony whirled around and stabbed Strange in the chest with his finger. “What the fuck? Do you think this is funny? Showing me that somehow me not being there for the kid gets him raped?”

“No. This happens either way,” Strange replied, his face looking pale, refusing to look behind Tony’s shoulder. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He asked, afraid of the answer. 

Strange wasn’t the cocky prick Tony had come to know, suddenly. He was looking down at his feet, adjusting his clothes and stalling. 

“Strange, I asked you a fucking question.” 

Strange huffed, looking up at him. Tony saw a pain in his eyes he’d never seen there before. “This is a memory, Tony. This isn’t an illusion. This is straight from  _ your  _ Peter’s mind.” 

Tony’s eyes widened, taking a step back. “No.” 

“Yes. I’m sorry, but  _ yes.”  _ He worked his magic again, so the two on the bed disappeared and they were in an empty room. Tony was glad he didn’t have to see that anymore. “Peter had a babysitter for a month. A week in, he started to molest Peter. Told him it was a game for big kids and the kid didn’t know any better. After Skip did this to him, Peter told his aunt and uncle. Skip was fired and taken to the police. After Peter's uncle beats the shit out of him, of course.” 

“Then why the fuck are you showing me this? What does this have to do with anything? Iron Man is out there and I still can’t save him.” 

Strange rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so obnoxious, Stark. You cannot possibly save every person in this world and you know it.” 

“Why?” Tony repeated through clenched teeth. "Then why are you showing me this?"

Strange huffed. “You wanted a past where Peter didn’t look up Iron Man. I’m about to show you what changes this timeline now.” He changed the scene again and they were in a different room. This was Peter’s room. Even then, his room was littered with Legos and Star Wars toys. But Peter wasn’t in sight. 

“Where is he?” Tony asked, looking around the room in a panic. He was afraid of what he might find. 

Strange nodded his head towards the bed. It was still empty. But when Tony went quiet and calmed his breathing so his heart wasn’t pounding in his ears, he heard the soft sniffles. His heart broke apart even more as he got down on his hands and knees and found Peter curled up under his bed. He had a blanket wrapped around him tightly as he cried. 

Tony wanted to reach in and pull him out to tuck him close against his chest.  “Why is he hiding? What’s wrong?” 

“It’s almost 4. Ben leaves for his shift now.” 

Before Tony could ask another question they heard Ben call from somewhere outside of his room, “Pete, Skip is here!” 

Peter curled up even tighter and covered his mouth to smother his sobs. 

Tony sat back up again and turned to look at Strange. “What? You said that Peter told Ben and he kicked Skip's ass. Why is he still here?” 

“Yes. That is how it went in your time. You know why? Because after that first time, Peter went to his room and looked at the picture on his wall: Iron Man. He told himself that Iron Man wouldn’t let this happen. He’d be strong enough to get help. So, he was brave like Iron Man.” 

Tony’s eyes widened. “That’s not fair. I can’t be the only one that the kid can look up to. I can't be the only reason why he told his aunt and uncle.” 

“Do you still believe that?” 

Tony stood up, trying to forget the image of Peter being pressed against the mattress as he sobbed. “This is exactly what it is: the past. If I Ieave Peter now then this won’t matter. It didn’t happen. Peter had the courage to get help-- whether it was because of me or not, he got help.” 

Strange sighed heavily, not looking happy at Tony's response. “You want a Peter closer to your time then? I can give you plenty of those.” He raised his hands, ready to change the scene around them, but Tony stopped him. 

“Wait. Peter-- my Peter-- do you know if he’s okay? This...I never even knew this happened.” 

“His aunt and uncle took him to therapy. He dealt with it as healthily as he could,” Strange said. 

“But now...does it still bother him?” 

Strange looked at him and Tony already knew it was a stupid question. “You know that answer, Tony.” He paused. “But Spider-Man has saved quite a few children from similar situations to his. He uses his story to help them. He’s not okay, but he’s strong.” 

Tony nodded his head, looking to the bed where the sniffles were still coming from. “I know he is.” 

“Are you ready for the next scene?” 

Tony sighed. “As ready as I’ll ever be…” He looked at him and said, “I’ll go through your little show but with one favor.”  
  
“What’s that?” 

“When it’s over, I want you to use your wizard powers to get me Skip’s location. I think it’s time I paid him a visit.” 

Strange grinned at him. “Oh, gladly.” 

“Good,” Tony said as everything around them changed. If there was one thing Tony could control when they got back to the real world, it was Skip’s fate. And boy, did he have big plans for him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony fucking kills him


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two scenes in this chapter!
> 
> Warnings for scene 1:  
> Gun violence  
> character death
> 
> Warning for scene 2:  
> drowning  
> character death

It was dark. They were in a sketchy alley and the only shining light they had was the flashing of a bar sign just above their heads. Tony’s face pinched in slight disgust. He never went around the areas in New York like this and he was terrified to know why Peter was here. 

In the distance, he could hear police sirens a gunshot. 

Just another night here, it seemed. 

“What are we doing here?” Tony asked, looking down at the ground where his shoes were in something sticky. 

“Shh,” Strange hushed him, not rudely. “Just listen.”

Tony furrowed his brow but closed his eyes and tried to focus on whatever he was supposed to be listening to. Strange must have enhanced it for him because suddenly he could hear the faint whimpers. He looked at Strange as it continued. 

“H-help...someone help me…”

He knew that voice. He knew those whimpers. 

He didn’t wait for Strange before he started running down the alley. He stopped short when he saw him. He was laying on the dirty pavement in those red and blue pajamas. 

Tony fell to his knees and he didn’t give one damn about the dirt and other unidentifiable stains he was getting on his pants. 

Nothing really mattered when he was watching his kid bleed to death in front of him. 

Just like the previous times, Peter didn’t react to him because he no idea he was there. He continued to lay on the ground as he whimpered out in pain. He had one arm wrapped around his stomach where the blood was pooling from. 

“It’s gonna be okay, kiddo. It’s going to be okay,” Tony whispered, his hands hovering over Peter’s shaking body. 

“He can’t hear you.” 

“I know that!” Tony snapped without turning around to look at Strange. “But...he needs to know.” 

“Sure, if you were in his life, he would know that.” 

_ “Somebody help me!” _ Peter cried out, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. “P-please!”

Tony squeezed his eyes shut, looking away from the kid for a moment. 

“He was shot trying to save a woman from being mugged. She ran away when the gun fired. So did the shooter.” 

_ “Somebody please!”  _ Peter was crying steadily, tears streaming down his dirty face. Tony wanted to wipe them away. 

“No one is going to come. Things like this happen way too often.” 

_ “I’m sorry! P-Please help!” _

“The scene is quite familiar to him.” 

_ “Please! It h-hurts!”  _

“This is how his uncle died.” 

_ “Help!” _

“Except, Peter is dying alone.” 

Tony shook his head, staring down at Peter. His face was scrunched up in pain as he let out little pained sobs. Tony hushed him quietly for a few minutes until he let out one last shaky breath and went still. His big brown eyes, staring ahead at nothing. 

“N-No,” Tony said. “Fuck, kid, you gotta get up. May is waiting for you at home. You gotta go home.”

“He’s not going home, Tony.” 

Tony tried to close the kid’s eyes, but his fingers went right through him. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to go.” 

“This is what happens to Spider-Man without Iron Man.” Strange let out a short laugh, but it wasn’t happy. “Funny, isn’t it? He survived Thanos but dies in a patrol mugging.” 

“His suit would have stopped it-- it would have called for help the moment he was shot,” Tony said, unable to peel his eyes off of Peter’s body. 

“Really?” Strange asked.

“Yes. He will still have the suit. I’m not taking it away.”

“That’s not the point of--.”

“The suit will help him.”

“Fine,” Strange said, suddenly angry. “You want one where he even has the suit? Do you really?”

“All he needs is the suit. Not me.”

“I’d tell you to take a good look at the kid like this so you pull your head out of your ass and realize how much weight you hold in his life, but don’t worry, you’ll be seeing him like this again.”

“Why can’t you just stop?” Tony asked, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Because you need to learn.”

 

The new scene welcomed them with screams. They were in a city street, surrounded by police cars and ambulances. First responders were running around, only adding o the chaos of the crowd. 

Tony looked around with wide eyes. “What the hell is going on?”

“Ferry split in half. So far, 7 casualties,” Strange replied, watching as a stretcher was rushed past them. 

“Wait...ferry-- Peter’s ferry?” Tony looked around at the mess around them. There were bodies covered in sheets, people trying to staunch their bleeding wounds, and everyone seemed to be soaked to their bones. 

“Without Iron Man, who pushes the ferry back together and bonds it back together?” Strange asked simply. “9 casualties.” 

Tony wasn’t a stranger to shit like this. Too many times when he tried to save the world, he still lost innocent lives. It was impossible to keep every single person safe, but Tony still felt horrible because they were people. That man that hurt Peter lost his loved ones because Tony killed them. He killed them by not saving them. Just like he was going to kill Peter. 

“Aren’t you curious?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you curious as to where Peter is?”

Tony’s heart dropped into his chest. He didn’t even think about it. He assumed he was hiding up on that roof again, but there was no way Spider-Man would just abandon all f these people that needed help. “He’s helping the first responders. He’s probably out in the water, pulling people in.” 

“Oh, he’s out in the water alright.” 

“I swear to fucking God,” Tony warned, feeling his heart start to beat faster. “Where is he, Strange? I don’t have time for your fucking games.” 

“You won’t find him.” 

“What?”

“Well, they won’t find him until a few days, at least.” Strange stared out at the water. 

“Why the fuck not?” He knew the answer, but he hoped it was wrong. 

“Their focus is on the survivors-- getting them all the help they can get. They don’t even know where to start with the ones that are already gone.” 

Tony looked out to the water where he could see bits of the ferry floating around in the water. “He’s Spider-Man. Why didn’t he get the hell out of there?” Once again, he knew the answer.

“You think he would leave when there were people to save?” Strange sighed. “Sad part is that he didn’t even get a chance to after the ferry broke. He was the first one dead.” 

Tony had to lean on the tall garbage bin by him to hold his weight when his legs started to shake. He died. Again. “How?” 

“Tried to hold the ferry together. Even with your fancy suit, it wasn’t enough.” He shrugged his shoulders as if talking about the death of a 15-year-old kid was nothing. “Got stuck between the broken parts and drowned.”

_ Drowned.  _

Tony knew how that felt. He knew what it was like to be held under water until his lungs felt like they were going to explode. He knew what it felt like to struggle and thrash. He knew what it felt like to think he was going to die in the water. 

But he got those brief moments of relief. He was pulled back up in that cave. 

Peter didn’t know what that breath of relief felt like. 

He knew what it was like for his lungs to burn. He knew what it was like to struggle in an attempt to be free. He knew what it was like to die. 

Because he had no one to pull him back out. 

Strange took Tony’s silence as permission to continue. “It’s a good thing he died though.”

Tony whirled around to face him with a glare. 

“Do you really think he’d be able to live with himself knowing all of these people-- families, children-- are dead because of him?”

“This wasn’t how it went-- it’s not how it’s supposed to go.” 

“I know.” 

“Then why?”

“Because you still don’t understand.” 

“Strange--.”

“I think it’s time for the next scene.” 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter:   
> Homelessness  
> Paralyzed   
> Brief mention of underage prostitution in conversation  
> I also have never been in any type of shelter in New York City, so this interpretation is not to be taken too seriously. It does not represent the shelters around the city at all.

They were in a shelter. There were beds filling the room without much space to walk around. The beds were all full, some with more than one person wrapped under the ratty blankets. There were men, women, and children of all ages crowded in the small room. 

Tony knew the drill by now and started looking for Peter. He didn’t see him exactly, but he saw the three men walk over to a bed. He didn’t have Peter’s spidey senses, but he knew something was wrong. 

“That’s Peter,” he said before hurrying to the bed, as fast as he could weaving between the other beds. Even though he could go through them all, he didn’t feel right doing that. It was too weird. 

The group of three reached him first though and pulled out a knife in the blink of an eye. Tony reached their side just in time to see the kid’s eyes shoot open. He didn’t look like he was sleeping. It was like he was expecting this. 

“What do you want?” Peter glared up at them. He looked dirty and tired. This wasn’t the Peter he knew. 

“You know what we want, Gimpy,” the one holding the knife said. 

Peter huffed and rolled his eyes, despite the blade pressed against his throat. “We’ve been through this. Gimpy is a derogatory name for people with a limp. I’m in a wheelchair.”

Tony’s eyes immediately went to his legs which were covered by a small blanket littered with holes. “What?” He mumbled, unsure of where to even begin thinking about what happened. 

One of the other men shoved down the wheelchair that was folded by his bed with a laugh. 

Peter frowned and Tony could see the frustration in his eyes, but he didn’t let it show. “Wow, really surprising. The same thing you do every night. You pushed down my chair. How will I ever get around tomorrow?” 

“Stop it with your snark, brat. Give us what we want our or you and auntie are out on your asses.”

His facade wavered slightly at the mention of his aunt. “Stay away from her. You can’t just kick her out. She’s sick. I think it’s pneumonia--.” 

“Shut up. I don’t care. We just want our money.” 

Peter narrowed his eyes and said through his clenched teeth. “Get the knife away from my throat and you’ll get it.” 

Begrudgingly, the knife was pulled away from his throat. Then Peter reached under his pillow and pulled out a small wad of bills. It was grabbed from his hand immediately and the man started leafing through them with a smile. It died down after a few seconds. He stared down at Peter and growled, “This isn’t what we agreed to. You’re short.”

Peter tried to push himself up so he wasn’t lying completely on his back. “Well, today was light on donations. That’s what I got.” 

The man grabbed a handful of Peter’s shirt and shoved him back down against the mattress. “Then work harder, freak. Play up your pout, use your chair, beg, suck someone off-- I don’t care. Find a way to earn more money or else you’re out.”

“Yes, sir,” Peter mumbled glaring up at them. 

The man smiled and patted his cheek not so lightly. “Good boy. I expect you to pay back today’s loss.” 

Before they walked away, Strange paused the scene. Tony turned to face him with raised eyebrows. He waited for Stange to start explaining what the  _ hell  _ was going on. 

“Homecoming night. The warehouse. I’m sure he’s told you about it,” he said. 

Tony nodded his head. He didn’t like that story-- just imagining Peter trapped under the rubble of a warehouse. Peter still had nightmares and couldn’t stand small enclosed spaces. “Unfortunately.” 

“I’m sure he hasn’t told you what got him out.” 

Tony frowned, unsure of what he meant by that. “He lifted it off of himself. At least, that’s what he told me.” 

“You were the reason why he was able to.” 

“What?” Tony asked. “We weren’t even on speaking terms at the time. How did  _ I  _ help him? He didn’t even have my suit.” 

“If you’re nothing without the suit, you shouldn’t have it,” Strange quoted. 

“How-- how do you even know that?” Tony asked incredulously. He wasn’t there when Tony reprimanded Peter on the rooftop and he wasn’t there when Peter was trapped. 

Strange rolled his eyes. “Look what I can do, Stark. Does that really surprise you?” He paused but Tony didn’t say a word. “Anyway, that little one-liner really inspired him. You’re the one he was thinking of when he lifted that building off of him. You’re the reason why he was able to.” 

“So, without me what? Ow does he get into a wheelchair?” Tony would never let that happen. He’d break his own back to make sure Peter could walk again. He did the same for Rhodey. He’d do it for his kid. 

“He stays there for hours overnight until someone finally finds him and is able to get the rubble off of him. With the time he spent crushed and how they lift it off of him, his spinal cord is injured to the point that he is paralyzed.” 

“What about the shelter-- why aren’t he and May in their apartment?” Tony looked around the small room again and this place didn’t even look like a New York shelter. 

“They couldn’t afford the treatment and medication that the needed. May tried to... _ borrow _ some things from her own hospital. Got caught and lost her job. She needed to spend all of her time with Peter and never had the chance to find a new job that could pay the bills. They wound up on the street.” 

“Why did they take his money?” Tony asked, gesturing to the frozen figures. 

They spent a few weeks on their own trying to find shelters that would accommodate them both. Peter found this place that guarantees them two beds here every day and some warm food and blankets. For a small fee on Peter’s behalf.”

“May doesn’t know.” She would never let him do this.

“May doesn’t know,” Strange confirmed.

Tony cursed under his breath as he ran a hand through his hair. “Shit…”

“So, Stark, while you’re bundled up nice and warm wearing your silk pajamas underneath your thousand dollar sheets, I hope you know that this kid is out there sleeping behind dumpsters through the rain and snow.” 

“That’s not fair,” Tony said, his head snapping up to stare at him. 

“No. What’s really not fair is that you  _ still don't  _ understand what I’m trying to tell you.

“Come on,--.”

“No. You come on. We’ve got more to see.” 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this short but fun chapter:  
> dehumanization  
> shock collar   
> imprisonment  
> mentions of forced tube eating  
> implied torture

“Does this look familiar?”Strange asked before Tony had a chance to even look around. 

They were standing behind bars, looking out at…”The Raft?”

“How about that? Does that look familiar?” 

Tony turned to face him when he wasn’t sure what he was referring to. Strange wasn’t looking at him; he was looking towards the back of the cell they were in. Tony followed his gaze and almost cried when he saw the kid that was curled into a ball, sitting on his butt with his knees pulled up close to his chest. Tony couldn’t see his face because it was tucked in his knees, but he didn’t need to. 

“What is he doing here?” 

“Ross came looking for Spider-Man 8 months ago. Without Iron Man’s protection, he found him in 3 weeks.” 

Tony shook his head. “No…” 

“Yup,” he replied. 

Tony remembered how Ross treated his prisoners...his friends were locked up here treated like they were nothing. He always worked his ass off to make sure Ross never found Spider-Man because Tony never wanted to see Peter in here. 

The sudden sound of the cell door opening made Tony flinch slightly, but it made Peter hurry to get on his knees and stare down at the floor. Tony felt sick a the obvious show of submission. 

Ross stepped inside with a guard behind him. He laughed when he saw Peter. “And how is our little pet today?”

There was no answer. 

The humor is Ross’ voice was gone when he snapped, “Look up at me, freak!”

Immediately, Peter whipped his head up to stare at Ross. His face was pale and covered in ugly bruises. His eyes, once the most emotion-filled set of eyes Tony knew, were empty now. He was all skin and bones in the hospital gown he was wearing. 

When Peter’s eyes met his, Ross calmed down and asked, “Are you behaving? Speak.” 

Tony pinches his face in disgust. They were treating him like a dog. Especially with the collar around his throat. He remembered seeing it on Wanda. Ross and his assholes didn’t trust mutants. They didn’t see them as human beings. 

“Yes, sir,” Peter responded, his voice was low and raspy. Did they even give him water?

“Oh, really? Because I was told you stopped running after only 25 minutes. You may speak to tell me why.” 

“I-I passed out, sir.” 

Ross scoffed. “Pathetic.” 

Peter blushed and looked down in shame. 

The guard next to Ross said, “It hasn’t been eating. It refuses all food and water. So, when it comes time for tests, it doesn’t have the strength.” 

Ross raised his eyebrows. “Our little freak isn’t listening? I think a little punishment will remind him of his obedience.” He paused. “Go back to meals through the tube.” 

Peter forgot his conditioning for a moment to beg, ”No! Please! Don--!” He was stopped short as he fell to the ground, screaming. His body tensed for a few long seconds. 

Tony knew what they were doing with that collar and he had no way to stop them. 

When it finally ended, Peter’s muscles relaxed and he fell limp on the ground. His leg twitched slightly as Peter let out a low groan. 

Ross was furious as he leaned down to grab Peter by his curls and lift him up off the ground to his knees again. Peter wasn’t strong enough to hold himself up, so his hand stayed fisted in his hair. “You don’t speak unless told to! You do what we say when we say it! You belong to the government. You are my property and nothing more. You are not human, therefore you have zero rights. Do you understand, freak?  _ Speak.”  _

Peter let out a low whimper. “Yes, s-sir…” 

Ross threw him down to the ground and made a sound of disgust as he wiped his hand on the guard’s uniform. “Get the tube ready.” 

This time, Peter didn’t argue. He curled up tightly and cried as they walked out. 

The scene paused just after Peter let out a choked sob. Tony couldn't tear his eyes away. 

“Hours with a giant tube stuck down your throat and forcing food into his stomach? I’d beg on my knees too. It’s considered torture in some places. He didn’t like it the first few times.” 

“Does anyone know he’s here?” Tony whispered.   
“It’s not much of a secret. There was a public trial to expose his identity and put him on the raft. What’s safer? Out there on the streets where every criminal Spider-Man ever wronged, now knowing his identity or in here with Uncle Sam? Is there even somewhere safe for him?” 

“Team Cap was in here. They escaped. Why didn’t they bring him?” 

Strange nodded. “They escaped. That’s why Ross needed a shiny new toy to play with.” 

“I wouldn’t ever let this happen. Even if I’m not in his everyday life, I would never let Ross touch Peter. He will  _ never  _ be in here. That’s a promise I’d die keeping.” 

Strange huffed, “You’re seriously not learning, are you?” 

“I won’t let this happen,” Tony repeated, shaking his head, still staring down at Peter. 

“If you’re going to leave this kid’s life, you might as well leave him on Ross’ doorstep with a pretty bow on his head,” Strange said, narrowing his eyes at him. 

Tony bit back with his own fury. “Ross is never even looking at Peter.” 

Strange held his stare for a moment before turning away with a scoff. “We’ll see about that, Stark. Next scene, shall we?” 

Tony looked at Peter’s small form once more before he disappeared. No matter what happened, Ross was never getting him. Never. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for:   
> Implied/referenced stripping  
> Implied/referenced lap dances   
> Implied/referenced prositution   
> Implied/referenced stroke

They were in an old diner. Tony wasn't sure if it was even allowed to be open in this condition. Weren't there regulations and gradings for restaurants? Tony watched a cockroach scurry just in front of his feet and knew that was enough to fail the place. 

“Please tell me Peter isn't eating in this dump,” he said, pinching his face in disgust. 

Strange didn't make a comment as the door by the kitchen opened and a young man came rushing out, tying a black apron around his waist. An older woman, another waiter, stopped him before he could leave behind the counter. 

“Peter, this is the fifth time this month you've been late. I can't keep covering for you.”

Now that Tony looked at him closer, it looked like his kid. But just no longer a kid; he looked like he should be in college by now. 

“I know. I'm sorry,” Peter quickly apologized. “I got caught up with a customer. He wouldn't let me leave.” 

It was her to make a face of disgust. “You're still working in that shithole?” 

“If she doesn't think  _ this place  _ isn't a shithole, I don't wanna see where he came from,” Tony grumbled, looking at the grease stain that was sticking his foot to the floor. 

“9 hour shift at a strip club.” 

Tony froze at Strange’s words. “What?”

“It pays the bills, Maggie.” Peter even smiled as the woman ran a hand through his hair, glitter coming from his curls. 

“There are better jobs than those that require you to take your clothes off on stage and grind on horny, desperate old perverts’ laps.” 

Tony felt sick at the thought of his innocent, doe eyed Peter Parker in a strip club, let alone being the one on the stage and the one giving strangers lap dances.  Peter made it worse by laughing at her concern. “Aw, but they pay the best for a twink like me." He actually fucking winked. "Drunk guy that kept me tonight? Tucked 3 hundreds in my shorts instead of singles.” 

Tony covered his ears, shouting at Strange, “Stop! Stop it! I can't-- I can't watch him willingly sell himself like this.” 

Strange paused the scene, staring at Peter for a moment before looking back to Tony. “He doesn't go that far. Well, not in this timeline.” 

Tony gagged at the implication of that statement. “No-- what the fuck? Please tell me you're  _ joking _ . Why?” His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he panicked. “Why is he doing this?”

“This is a reality where he stops being Spider-Man before Ross can find him,” Strange told him. 

“No. Peter would never  _ stop  _ being Spider-Man,” Tony said, staring at him with wide eyes. 

“He had to after May’s stroke.”

“Her what?” 

“May had a stroke. He had to drop out of community college to support her full time. 9 hours at the strip club every weekday-- 13 on the weekends. 6 hour shift at the diner. Then he goes home to an aunt that can barely speak or move anymore. Some days she doesn't even remember who he is.” 

Tony didn't understand. “So, somehow, me not meeting Peter or staying in his life gives May a fucking stroke?” 

“Time and its infinite possibilities are a finicky thing, Stark.” 

“He has so much...this can't be his future,” Tony said in a low voice. Peter was going to change the world. He was going to be better than Tony. This...this wasn't what he was made for. 

“It seems to be a future you want to give him.” 

Tony shook his head. “I don't! I just...I just want what's best for him.” 

Strange studied him for a moment. “Then, I have a feeling this next scene will change your mind.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a really heavy one! Please please please be careful.  
> Warnings:  
> Implied/referenced suicide  
> Suicidal talk/thoughts  
> Self harm  
> Not really graphic but kinda described-- suicide.  
> Implied/referenced character death 
> 
> This is shit. I've been rewriting for days and I just never like it so... I hope this is good enough...

They were on a roof. There was a chill in the air and from here, they had a beautiful view of the sunset. Whatever peace Tony felt from seeing the warm colors fill the sky completely drained from his body the moment he saw him standing on the edge of the roof. 

He was looking down at the street below him and his shoulders were shaking. Tony couldn’t see his hair or his face, so there was no real way to really tell who that was in front of him. But Tony knew. He could tell just by how he stood there. He knew that was Peter. His Peter was standing on the ledge of a building, ready to jump.

Tony was frozen in his spot.  _ What the hell was he supposed to do?  _ He knew how these illusions worked by now; he had no control over anything-- he just had to watch it happen. Helplessly. “Strange, get him down from there. Now.”

Strange sighed. “I can’t. You know this. You just have to watch and, hopefully, learn. For  _ both _ of our sakes.” 

“Please stop it. I can’t watch this. Unless he gets down from that ledge, I don’t want to see this.” Despite his words, Tony couldn’t take his eyes off of him. 

Peter’s shoulders were shaking as he cried softly. After a deep breath, Peter turned his head up to the sky and spoke, his voice thick with tears. “I don’t know what to do. It’s all my fault-- everyone’s gone. I can’t do it by myself.” He wiped at his face, sniffing through his tears. “I’m sorry I let you down.”

Tony wasn’t sure who Peter was even talking to. His parents? His uncle? The kid had too many people up there. “Peter, please,  _ please _ get down from there.”

Of course, Peter didn’t hear him. He turned around though, only to throw his web shooters to the ground behind him. There was nothing there to save him. If Peter regretted it a second after he jumped, it didn’t matter because there was nothing there to stop his fall. As painful as it was to hear the web shooters fall to the ground, it was nothing compared to the pain he felt when he saw Peter’s face. 

When they first met and were working on suit upgrades together, Tony had made a comment to Peter about his mask saying it was good for not only protecting his face but also keeping his identity a secret. He’ll never forget how it felt to hear the kid tell him the mask was to hid his fear from the villains he fought. 

So, that mask that was on his face wasn’t to protect himself or keep his identity a secret. It was to hide his fear. 

Not his Spider-Man mask. His Iron Man mask. Because Peter was wearing the plastic mask he had worn to the Stark Expo all those years ago. 

Only a few seconds later, he was facing the other way again and this time, his head was held high. “I’m gonna be brave. Just like him.”

_ Just like him.  _ Peter was talking about  _ him.  _ Tony Stark, Iron Man. 

Peter was about to jump off of a building and he was thinking about him. 

“Where’s May?” Tony said, his heart racing. “He would never leave her. Not like this. He knows what death does to people. Especially May. She’s been through so much. I know he would never.”

“May’s dead, Tony.”

“What?” 

“Spider-Man was never good at keeping secrets and didn’t have Iron Man to protect him and his aunt. They killed her when he was on patrol. Left her lying on the living room rug to find when he got back.” Strange wasn't looking at the kid. “He’s got nothing left now. So, what’s the point?”

“ _ What’s the point?”  _ Tony repeated incredulously. “He’s got his entire life ahead of him! It hurts now, but he’ll get through it. I know he’s strong enough.”

“So why don’t you tell him that?” Strange asked with raised eyebrows. “Oh, that’s right. You don’t want to be in his life.”

“That’s not fair, Strange. He’s only in this situation because  _ of you.” _

Strange narrowed his eyes and took a step closer. “Because of  _ me?  _ Really? Unless I’m mistaken, all of this is because  _ you  _ think Peter would be better without you.” He lowered his voice and pointed towards the kid that was getting closer and closer to the edge. “He’s up there because of you.”

Tony turned back to face Peter just in time to watch him take that step off of the ledge. He ran forward, screaming for someone to save him, even though he knew it was pointless. This wasn’t real; he couldn’t save Peter. He could only watch him fall. He leaned over the side and squeezed his eyes shut as he watched Peter fall. He didn’t want to think about how this ended, 

“Please, Stephen. Please. I can’t-- I just can’t.”

While his eyes were shut, there was a whoosh and the sound of wind was replaced with running water. He was no longer kneeling on concrete. Instead, it was tile. The feeling of pure panic was replaced with an eerie calm. Tony turned, falling on his butt as he looked around. This was the Parker’s apartment, their bathroom to be precise. 

Tony couldn’t wrap his mind around everything happening. ”What the fuck?” Tony gasped, turning to look up at Strange. He didn’t feel strong enough to get off his knees after watching Peter jump to his death.  He couldn’t even begin to comprehend would could be possibly worse than watching... _ that.  _

“Are you ready?” Strange asked in a hesitant voice because he knew what was coming next.

“What more?” Tony asked desperalty, pushing himself up to his feet again. Strange puts a steadying hand on his arm. “What is worse than that?”

Strange didn’t say a word. 

The door opened and Tony turned around slowly. He just seemed to notice the running bath as he watched Peter walk in. His eyes were red, but he wasn’t crying. The tears weren’t falling. Peter stopped in front of the mirror and stared. His hands were squeezed into tight fists at his sides as he glared at the mirror. Tears finally began to fall. “This is your fault,” Peter growled at his reflection.

Tony’s eyes widened. He’d never heard the kid’s voice sound that angry before. It was unnerving to watch, especially when it was directed to himself. 

“You know you deserve this. You've had it coming. You’ve done nothing but ruin everyone’s lives. Mom and Dad? They took a later flight because you were sick. They died. Uncle Ben? You didn’t stop that mugger. He died. Aunt May--,” he had to pause as he choked out a sob. “You let them take her. They took her because of you. You watched as they killed her. She died.”  Peter paused, staring intently at himself in the glass. “They all died  _ because of you.” _

Tony felt sick. This kid shouldn’t hold this much guilt on himself. It was even worse to remember that the first three deaths were real; Peter actually blamed himself for the deaths of his parents and uncle.

“You let everyone down. You’re a burden. You have no reason to live...not when they died.” 

Tony knew it was leading to this again, but this time it was so much worse. It was slow and dragged out. It wasn’t a quick jump off of a roof. Tony could sense the hatred Peter had for himself.

Peter pulled a small bag out of his pocket and inside, Tony could see several small razor blades. He covered his mouth instantly, shaking his head. “No...no-- oh, Jesus fuck.” Are those old? Has he harmed himself before?

Tony was still mumbling in disbelief as Peter walked over to the tub, shut the water off and lowered himself into the water. He just sat there in the water for a few long moments and Tony thought that  _ just maybe  _ he wasn't going to do it. But then Peter let out a strangled sob and spoke to himself. “You deserve it, Peter. Don’t be weak. Don’t be afraid.” He hesitated a moment longer before he bought one of the blades to his wrist and-- Tony turned away. He couldn't watch it. He heard Peter grunt in pain as he did it and knew the moment he stopped because Peter’s cries suddenly went silent. 

Peter took a shaky breath and said, “Gonna see you again soon, Mom. You too, dad. And Uncle Ben, Aunt May...if you wanna see me...we’re gonna be a family again.” He let out a whine of pain because it  _ had _ to hurt. No matter how calm his voice sounded, he had to be in pain. Or maybe there was no more pain left. He was just numb and empty. Was this an attempt to just feel pain? Did Peter even understand what he was doing?

Tony felt the tears falling down his own face as he grabbed Strange’s arm. “I’m sorry-- please...just stop.”

“He’s going to die alone. Because of you.”

Tony let out a shout. Of pain? Grief? Anger? Then he turned towards the bathtub, ignoring the red-- too much red against the white. He ran to Peter’s side and fell to his knees. He wanted to reach out and hold him. Just to let the kid know that he wasn't alone. 

But he couldn't hold him. He couldn't touch him. He reached his hands out and they passed right through. He just wanted to wipe those tears off his face. He was dying, bleeding out and no one was here to hold him. He was a kid. A child. A baby. 

And he was dying alone. 

Because Tony abandoned him. 

Tony leaned close to the tub, hating that he could lean on that but not touch Peter. It was like he wasn't even here.

Peter was crying softly, staring at the wall with wide tear filled eyes. He was scared. Tony could see it in his eyes. He was terrified. And alone.

“I'm here, Pete. It's okay,” Tony whispered to him, attempting to comfort him even though he knew Peter wouldn't hear it. “I've got you, buddy.” He gave him a small smile. “I'm not leaving you alone. I promise. Not now, not ever. I can't leave you. I'll always have your back. I promise. Peter, I promise.” 

Tony's eyes were so welled up with tears that he barely realized Strange changed the scenes around them. Not until it was all gone-- the water, the tub, the red, Peter...it was all gone. Replaced by the sterile white hospital walls. 

He was back. He was home. He was safe. 

Tony didn't hesitate before shoving past Strange and down the hall. His weak legs and blurry vision didn't slow him down. 

He was going to get to Peter.

And this time he wasn't going to leave. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now comes the comfort part of this fic


	9. Chapter 9

May was still in the room when Tony made it back. He wasn’t surprised because he didn’t expect her to leave her nephew’s side. But he wasn’t even sure how long he and Strange were gone, therefore . 

She looked up when he pushed open the door, breathing heavy. “I’m sorry,” was the first thing he said. 

May smiled softly at him, standing up from her seat to pull him into a hug. “You don’t have to apologize, Tony.” 

Tony hugged her so tightly because it  _ hurt.  _ And no one loved Peter like Tony did, other than May. She understood. “I don’t want to leave him,” he said, his voice cracking and May held him even tighter. There were very few people Tony cried in front of. He was always raised with,  _ Stark men don’t cry.  _ And he was trying to erase his father’s toxic upbringing, but it was hard. May, however, was one of the many few that was no strange to Tony Stark crying. “Please forgive me. I’m so sorry.  _ I’m sorry.” _

May hushed him, threading her fingers through the back of his hair just like Tony always did it for Peter. “Don’t worry, Tony. I know. You’re not going anywhere. I know you’ll be right here when he wakes up.”

Tony held onto her for just a few more minutes before he pulled away, wiping the tears off his face and looking over at the bed where Peter was. He looked the same as he did when Tony had run out earlier. No better but no worse. He took a step from May and when he was just next to his bed, his knees buckled and he fell. The tears started falling again as he looked over the kid. He quickly pulled his wrists into his hold, checking his wrists. Besides for the IVs in his arms, they were fine. Clean. No red. No scars. He dragged his fingers over them softly, taking in a shaky breath. “You’re okay, buddy,” he whispered. “It’s gonna be okay. Just... _ never  _ scare me like that again.” 

May put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. “Bad dream?” 

Tony couldn’t take his eyes off of Peter. “The worst.”

“He’s gonna be okay,” May reassured him. “He’s strong. He’s been through hell and back.” 

Tony thought about everything Peter had been through in his short 17 years: losing his parents, Ben, Skip… Tony swallowed thickly. “Yeah. He has. Just keeps kicking, huh?”

“As long as he’s got us, he will.” 

Tony nodded his head and ran his hand over Peter’s wrist one more time. Just to be sure. 

“Was it that real?” May asked quietly after a few moments. 

Tony didn’t reply at first; he needed to sit down before he said any of this again. If he didn’t, he’d fall over, no doubt. May helped him up into the seat next to hers. It was cold. He promised himself it would stay warm until Peter woke up again. 

“I don’t blame you for leaving,” May said. “If you needed air or a few hours rest...I get it. I really do.” 

“I didn’t sleep. I was just being an idiot, thinking that he was better off without me,” Tony admitted. 

“He’s not,” she said. 

“Yeah.” Tony chuckled weakly. “I know that now thanks to my good friend, Stephen Strange.” May stayed quiet as Tony thought over what he was going to say. “He showed me a few too many different ways Peter’s life would be different without me.” 

May sat up a little straighter in curiosity. “Oh, really?” She hesitated, probably wondering if she wanted to know the answer to her question. “What did you see?” 

Tony shook his head. “You don’t want to know. Really. Just know, I probably won’t sleep through the night for the next few weeks.”  

May stared at him with a look in her eyes that Tony couldn’t figure out. After a moment, she finally said, “I’m sorry.” 

Tony frowned. “For what?”

“You take on so much for him. Since, Ben, no one other than men has ever done so much.” She gave him a small smile. “Thank you.” 

Tony just shrugged his shoulders. “The kid is good at weaseling his way into hearts. Mine was heavily guarded. Seriously.” 

“I know.” 

“And then he came, and so did you...and I just…” He paused, hoping this wouldn’t sound too arrogant. “I never thought that a kid and his aunt from Queens would become a part of my family.” 

May’s smile turned more genuine. “And I never thought we’d have Tony Stark in ours. That’s even crazier: Peter’s hero from since he was a kid is suddenly his third-father figure? He’s ecstatic.” 

May mentioning that Peter’s been a fan of him since forever brought back a few memories Strange showed him. The Stark Expo gone-wrong with the funeral. Peter not standing up to Skip… “He showed me some memories that were true, but only slightly altered.”

“Yeah?” May prompted. 

“Like the Stark Expo in 2010,” he said and watched as May smiled at the memory. 

“Yeah. He had a great time that day. Gave us a little scare, but it was worth it in the end. He didn’t stop talking about it for weeks.”

Tony nodded his head, looking down at his lap. He opened his mouth but couldn’t get a word out. He swallowed thickly and tried again. “He showed me Skip.”

“What--  _ oh.”  _ May stared at him with wide eyes. “How-- why? I don’t…”

“He told you and Ben because of Iron Man...if it weren’t for me...” Tony shook his head, shivering at the thought, unable to say it out loud.

May stared down at her lap, picking at a thread from her shirt. “What did--?” She paused to clear her throat and tried again, “What did you see?”

“The worst part.” He couldn’t look at May when he said this. He needed to stare ahead at the wall and focus on not immediately puking as the image came back to mind. He wished Strange had the power to erase that from his memory. 

“You mean you saw…?”

Tony nodded his head. 

“Don’t tell him you know,” she said quickly. “He doesn’t want people to know...it’s nothing against you, but--.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me, May. What I saw in that room, I won’t say a word of it to Peter.”

She let her shoulders sag in relief. “Thank you so much. If he knew, he’d probably just push you away.”

“That’s the last thing I want,” Tony said. “I just want to make sure he’s okay. I mean, I know how expensive therapy is. If he ever needs it, I will get the best of the best to make sure he feels better as best as he can.” 

May’s face softened. “This is usually where I yell at you for treating us like a charity case, but I know you mean the best. And if it came to Peter’s health, I would get on my knees and beg.” 

“You will never have to. You don’t even need to ask. I would do anything for that kid. Anything possible and impossible.”

May’s eyes welled with tears. “I know you would,” she said softly. “That’s why I love you so much. And that’s why I trust you 100% with my boy...you see how people have treated him in the past, so the list of people I trust so fully is close to zero.”

Those words meant a lot to Tony. To know that even after everything that May had seen Peter go through, she’d still trust Tony with him...Tony couldn’t ask for anything better than being included in this small family. 

“I’m not going to leave him,” Tony promised, meaning every word. 

“He would never let you even if you wanted to,” May placed her hand on his and squeezed gently. “You two are stuck together.”

If someone told Tony years ago that one of his best friends was going to be a dorky, brilliant, energetic, self-sacrificing, teenage hero, he would have laughed at them. But now, he couldn't imagine it any other way. 

 

\--

 

Strange kept his distance for a few days. Tony didn’t mind. He didn’t want to see that prick again-- not after what he made them see. 

It was the afternoon of Christmas Eve and still, there was no change. May was sleeping in her chair, even though the sun was still in the sky. Their sleep schedule had been crazy because they wanted at least one of them awake by Peter’s side at all times. Just in case. 

Tony was leaning forward, holding Peter’s hand in his. He and May had been having conversations with him every now and then because maybe he could hear them. And maybe hearing their voices would be enough to bring him back. “You’re cutting it kinda close, buddy. Christmas Eve. Santa is supposed to come tonight.” He cleared his throat. “I’m close to him, so I let him know you’re here instead of the apartment. You just gotta wake up. Please.” 

“Begging doesn’t change the outcome.” 

Tony jumped up at that voice and saw Strange standing just a few feet behind him. He hadn’t even heard him come in. “Get out,” he said immediately, his voice low but strong. 

“Stark,” Strange started, but Tony wasn’t about to let him finish. 

“Stay away from him!” He was furious but knew he couldn’t wake May up. She’d be awake the entire night and needed rest. 

Strange narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t  _ create  _ those scenarios. You cannot blame  _ me.”  _

Tony huffed. “I can blame you for making me watch them!” 

“And I didn’t?” Strange asked incredulously. “I know I’m nowhere near as close to the kid as you are and despite the rumors, I do have a heart and he’s started to grow on me as well.” 

“So, then why don’t you  _ do  _ something? You’re a Neurosurgeon. You’re a  _ wizard,  _ for Christ’s sake. And you’re telling me there’s  _ nothing  _ you can do? Can’t you look into the future and tell me if he lives?” Tony was getting desperate. It had been days. He just wanted Peter back. 

Strange paused. “You want to know? You  _ really  _ want to know?” You want me to tell you that he never wakes up?”

Immediately, Tony almost let himself fall to the ground. The breath was knocked from his lungs. His heart stopped beating. “What?” 

“He dies, Tony. Never wakes up. He’s brain dead. You and May take him off life support.” 

Tony shook his head. “No!”

“They missed bleeding in his brain. He dies overnight.” 

Tony blinked. “What--?”

“Heart attack tomorrow morning.”

Tony took a step back, closer to Peter. “What are you doing?”

Strange narrowed his eyes. “You asked me if he lives. I’m telling you he doesn’t. There are many futures where he doesn’t make it.” Tony was going to be sick. “But there are plenty where he does.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Tony snapped. 

“I could ask the same of you, Stark. You don’t seem to realize how sensitive time is. One little thing can affect everything.” He took a step forward and continued in a low voice that even Tony found a bit intimidating. “So, you may think Peter Parker is better off without you, but I don’t think you can even comprehend just how much you affect him and his life.”   
Tony didn’t say a word. He didn’t even know if there was even anything he could say. 

“Everything happens for a reason. The good, the bad.” He looked back to Peter. “Even  _ this.  _ It all happens for a reason. You are in his life for a reason. Bad things have happened to him.” 

_ Skip.  _

“Bad things could have happened to him.” 

_ Death. Suicide.  _

“Bad things will happen.” 

_ Unknown.  _

“You can’t control it, but you can be here for him.” 

Tony stared at the kid, who looked so small and broken laying in that bed. He’d be through the unimaginable time after time. Life never seemed to go easy on him. He was strong, but Tony still wanted to wrap him up in a blanket and protect him from everything in the world around them. “What if I’m not enough? What if I can’t help him when he needs it?”

“Funny you should ask that,” Strange said as he lifted his hands and Tony had seen it enough in the past few hours to know exactly what he was about to do.” 

His eyes widened. “No! Not another one-- Strange, I swear to God.” 

“This one is different. I was going to show it to you earlier. But you ran off.” 

“I needed to see if Peter was alright,” Tony said, holding tightly to Peter’s bed frame. “And I’m not going anywhere. It’s my shift and Peter is not waking up alone.” 

“I’ll make sure hardly any time passes here. It won’t take long. Just one last time.”

“I can’t do it again,” Tony said, the memory of watching the light leave Peter’s eyes...many times...still haunting him. “I can’t, Strange.” 

“Don’t worry. It won’t be like the others. Just trust me.” 

With one last glance at Peter, Tony sighed and nodded his head. “Fine. Just...one more time.”

Tony squeezed his eyes shut as he was taken back to the land of what-ifs. Just one more time and then it would all be okay...it had to be okay because Tony refused to accept any other outcome. 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this last scene:   
> Insomnia   
> Anxiety

This time when he looked around, he immediately recognized the room. It was Peter’s bedroom. And there was Peter, sitting on his bed. He was curled up with his legs tucked against his chest. His chin was resting on his knees as his stared ahead of him, blankly at the wall. His eyes were glistening and just barely in the dim lighting of his room, Tony could see the tear trails down his face. 

He looked young like this, but Tony knew he was at least 16. This had to be from after Tony met him. But Tony never saw him like  _ this _ … so vulnerable. He always tried to be strong in front of Tony and everyone else. 

“What's wrong? Why is he crying?” Tony asked Strange in concern. 

“He's lonely.” 

Tony blinked. “What?” 

“Haven't you ever laid awake at night, feeling nothing but emptiness?” Strange asked, tilting his head. 

Sure he had. He was Tony Stark...for a good portion of his life, that feeling was normal. He never expected anything different, but Peter...Peter wasn't supposed to feel that. He was supposed to be better than Tony.  

“It's been a rough week. He's got big tests in school, drama in his decathlon team, bullies won't stop harassing him, he misses his parents and his uncle...it's all just piling up. Anxiety won't let him sleep,” Strange continued. “It's just too much.”

“When is this?” 

“Last month.”

Tony swallowed thickly, wishing he could have helped the kid. He remembered Peter acting strangely around that time, but Tony didn't know it was this bad. “I didn't know--.”

“Just watch.”

Tony went quiet and watched. Peter was just sitting there, unmoving. There was a moment where he started to shake his head, mumbling under his breath. Tony wasn't sure what he was saying, but from experience, he knew he was berating himself for something. He squeezed his eyes shut, hugged his legs a little tighter and cried. He let out a few small sobs before he was able to get them under control. He bit down on his knuckles until he was only sniffling. It hurt Tony to watch Peter try and console himself like this. 

“Where's his aunt? Why didn't he go to her?” 

“She's at work.”

“His friend. His best friend, Ned. He'd answer the phone at any time.” 

“How many times did you call up your best friend? Did you really want to call him up to just cry?” 

Strange was right. Tony could still remember the days in college when he held a hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs so Rhodey couldn't hear him in the top bunk. 

Tony knew Peter wasn't his kid, but dammit, he sure acted like it. 

“You're okay, Peter. Stop being so stupid. You're always so stupid.” Peter was muttering to himself, his voice getting louder as he grew more frustrated. “Just sleep. Go to sleep.  _ Please  _ fucking sleep.” 

Tony had never heard the kid say a curse word worse than shit. So, hearing Peter growl out the word  _ fucking  _ with that amount of venom, especially at himself hurt. 

“Insomnia. It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?” 

Tony could feel the sharp stab of Strange’s sarcastic tone. 

Because they both knew the feeling. They knew what it was like to lay in bed for hours, utterly exhausted but still unable to sleep because their body wouldn't let them. The voices never shut up, the anxiety sat too heavy in their stomach, the silence was too loud, the tears never stopped. 

They were men, well into their lives, that had lost people they loved, people they didn't know...it wasn't a surprise they couldn't sleep.

But Peter was a child.

Peter was a child and he'd been through enough trauma to last several lifetimes. 

The world had been beating him up ever since his parents went down in that crash over 13 years ago. And it only got worse with Skip, Ben, bullies, life...it never let him breathe. 

That was why he was sitting awake at some ungodly hour, crying and begging his brain to shut up long enough for him to fall asleep. 

“I want to sleep,” Peter said, punching his knee suddenly, causing Tony to jump. “I want to sleep. I want to sleep. I just want to sleep and I want it to be quiet. I want it to stop  _ hurting.”  _ Peter grabbed his shirt and twisted it in his hand, breathing heavily. 

Tony was so focused on Peter, he almost missed the ringing of a cell phone. Peter almost did too. He lifted his head up and wiped at his eyes as Black Sabbath’s  _ Iron Man  _ filled the otherwise quiet room. 

Peter picked the phone off his dresser, took one last steadying breath as he wiped his face once more. His voice only cracked slightly as he answered the phone with a low, “Hey, Mr. Stark.” 

Strange filled in the conversation gap, “Hey, kiddo. So, I need a second opinion on this upgrade to the suit I'm working on. Knew you'd be the best to go to for this smart guy stuff.” 

“Mr. Stark, it's almost 4 in the morning.”

“Seriously? Well, time flies when you lock yourself in a lab, I suppose.” Strange paused. “Why did you answer your phone at 4 am?”

“Why did you call me at 4 am?” 

It was silent for a moment. Then Strange spoke up, “You okay, Pete?” 

Tony watched as Peter squeezed his eyes shut and the tears fell again. He pulled the phone away to let out a short sob before calming his breathing again. He spoke into the phone in a low voice. “‘m fine, Mr. Stark.” 

It was then that Tony realized this wasn't a what-if. This happened. This was the same exact phone call he had with the kid a few weeks ago. He'd been so focused in the lab for a few days, he didn't think of anything when he asked FRIDAY to dial Peter's number. He definitely didn't know it had been that late and that Peter was awake because he'd been up crying, unable to sleep. 

“Okay, if you're sure, Underoos. If not, I'll have to tell Auntie May you're staying up past your bedtime. She's gonna have to cut back on your daily sugar intake limit.”

Peter shut his eyes and his lips quirked, just barely. “I'm not a toddler, Mr. Stark.” 

“Really? Coulda fooled me. Now I'll have to change your birthday present. Thought I had the perfect gift, those Pull Up diapers, you know them? They make Iron man themed ones. You know, so kids think of me when they piss themselves and whatnot.” 

Peter laughed, his body relaxing as he let his legs uncurl from his chest.

“You know, actually, I think a woman once told me that. France, 1997. Kinky girl she was. And when I say kinky, Pete, I mean  _ kinky.”  _

“Mr. Stark!” Peter said into the phone, his cheeks blushing red as he started to lay down. 

“What? Don't wanna learn about my brief foray into wa--?”

“Finish that sentence and I'm hanging up,” Peter said, despite gripping to the phone so hard his knuckles were white. Tony doubted anything was going to get Peter to hang up. 

“Alright, alright.” Strange paused again. “I should probably let you go. Sleep and all that stuff growing spiderlings need.” 

“No!” Peter shouted, his eyes turning wide, shooting up off the pillow. Then he realized his outburst and settled back down. “I mean, no...I was up anyway. Can we, um, can we talk?” 

Tony remembered hearing him say that and knowing something was wrong. He remembered being 2 seconds away from leaving the lab to make some excuse to take a trip into Queens just to see the kid in person. 

“Sure, Pete, what do you wanna talk about?” 

“I dunno. Just talk about your day. Please.” He requested, curling tighter in a ball as he rested his head on the pillow. 

“My day? Well, that's sure gonna be boring but anything for you.” 

Peter smiled softly with his eyes still shut. “Thank you.”

Strange stopped relaying the other side of the phone conversation, but Tony didn't need a reminder. The rest of the conversation was just Tony going on and on about everything he could think about. He told Peter about the bots and their adventures into more daily trouble. Peter laughed at that. 

He remembered talking and talking until all he heard on the other line were soft snores from Peter. 

At the time, he thought Peter was just exhausted and didn't realize it. But now Tony knew that Peter  _ needed  _ Tony to help him sleep. 

And he did. He slept soundly with a smile on his face. 

(And if Tony kept the line going through the night just to listen to Peter's soft breathing as background noise, that was no one's business but his own.  

It calmed him better than any AC/DC soundtrack ever could.) 

“Sometimes it's the little things,” Strange said, turning back to Tony. “Just a phone call on a night he needed someone, something to distract his mind and help him sleep.”

Tony watched as Peter slept, the phone still tucked between his ear and the pillow. 

“To you, it was just a phone call, but to him, it was the best 5 minutes of his month. Just to hear you talk and lull him to sleep.”

“I don't understand,” Tony said, even though he did. He just needed to hear it out loud. 

“You make the kid happy. You make him smile. That's more enough to stay in his life, is it not? It's the big things: saving him from Hammer drones, giving him hope to get help, giving him a multi-million dollar suit. And it's the little things: calling and telling him about your day, spending a few hours in the lab together, just being there day to day. It's the big things and the little things all mashed together to create something beautiful. Something so beautiful it gives Peter Parker a reason to keep living.” 

And if Tony only existed on this planet for that one reason, to keep Peter happy, alive, and safe...then Tony was going to stay in his life for as long as the world allowed him to just to keep it true. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a product of my own insomnia!! :):):) it's almost 4 here and im wide awake soooo if thus turned out to be shitty, I'm sorry. Figured I'd project onto Pete. Sorry bud. 
> 
> The next and last chapter is the comfort!! With Christmas fluff :) I'm excited and I hope you guys are too!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was like pulling teeth. Ugh. I don't like it, but I hope you do. Ignore all mistakes please..I read through it like once. If I tried mesing with it more, I'm not sure it would ever come out.

May woke up when Happy dropped a box of decorations as he walked through the door. She shot up on the chair, her eyes immediately going to Peter. She visibly relaxed when she saw he was safe, even if it meant he was just as unresponsive as he had been. 

“Sorry,” Tony said to her once she was calm. “I told them to be quiet.” He glared half-heartedly at Rhodey and Happy. 

“It’s fine,” she said smiling and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked around the room, probably confused that she went to bed in a plain white room and woke up in a room with Christmas lights and a half decorated tree. “What’s all this?”

“It’s Christmas morning,” Tony said simply. “It’s the kid’s favorite holiday. Had to make sure we helped him celebrate. Imagine if he wakes up and there’s not even a little Charlie Brown tree? Blasphemous!”

May laughed as she took Peter’s hand in hers. “I’m sure if he could, he’d say thank you.”

“Just wait til he sees it. Even Happy is wearing the ugly sweater the kid bought for him.”

Happy turned to her, holding out his arms so she could get a good look at the sweater. It was bright red and green striped with a Christmas tree in the middle-- the tree had lights on it that actually lit up-- and  _ Happy Christmas!  _ was written in obnoxious cursive letters.

“A true shame he didn’t get one for all of us, huh?” Rhodey said as he passed by. 

“Okay, okay. I know you’re just jealous that Pete likes me more than he likes you.” Happy teased, bending down to start picking up the ornaments he dropped. 

“Likes you more?” Rhodey repeated incredulously. “You realize that he lets me have the last egg roll in the container  _ every movie night,  _ right?”

“Well, he tells me all about his day at school every day I drive him home,” Happy argued back even though neither held any heat to their words. 

“You’re lucky I’m not getting into this,” Tony said, “because I’d whoop both your asses in the Peter Parker love department.”

May cleared her throat. “You realize I’m right here? His  _ aunt?”  _

“Shh, stay out this. You don’t count.” Tony waved his hand at her because she had a completely unfair advantage. She was May Parker. Peter adored her more than anyone else in the world. 

“Well, you know what, why don’t we have a contest then? Everyone takes a different spot in the room to decorate. When the kid wakes up, he’ll pick his favorite, therefore the winner.”

“Sounds fair.”

“Oh, you’re  _ on.” _

May blinked. “You three are ridiculous.”

“We know. Too late to stop now,” Tony said, jumping to his feet and grabbing a box. He was gonna put some much Christmas into his side that even Peter Parker would be speechless. “Peter is going to pee himself of excitement when he sees what I’ve got planned.”

“Kids usually don’t pee themselves of excitement past the age of four, Tony,” Happy said.

“You didn’t know  _ Tony _ as a teenager,” Rhodey said, not looking up from a box. 

Happy laughed loudly. “I can’t wait to tell the kid.”

“You will do no such thing-- Rhodey, now look what you’ve you done! I’m never going to hear the end of this.” 

Rhodey joined in the laughter and him and Happy continued their playful banter. Tony glanced over at Peter. The hope in Tony wanted Peter to open his eyes and offer his own sarcastic quips, but he knew it was wishful thinking. 

There were no changes in Peter’s vitals, so why would he suddenly wake up? 

Hours later, he was still unmoving even after the room was decorated in a way that would make Santa sick from the amount of Christmas shit. 

“So, Pete, who won?”

Silence. 

“Hear that. It’s totally me.”

“You wish, Hogan.”

Tony watched as Peter still didn’t move despite Happy and Rhodey getting quite colorful with their insults. His lips didn’t quirk in the smallest bit. 

 

\--

 

 _‘Twas_ _the night before Christmas, when all through the house_

_ not a creature was stirring, no even a mouse… _

 

\--

 

The snow started to fall just before the sun was starting to set. The first snowfall of the season. And Peter was missing it. 

“It’s called  _ hot  _ chocolate for a reason,” May said quietly. “I doubt it tastes as good cold.”

Tony sighed, turning his attention away from the window to the mug on the table. Rhodey had brought in three mugs for them before he and Happy head out. They were going to see family for the holiday, but they didn’t forget to wish the kid a Merry Christmas and leave their gifts for him under the Star Wars themed tree. 

He took a sip of it and May was right, like the always. The lukewarm beverage wasn’t as good as it would have been when Rhodey brought it in. He put it down and sighed. “Doesn’t feel right doing all this without Pete. He used to dump just about an entire bag of marshmallows into his mugs. Had to invest in jumbo mugs for him.”

May smiled sadly. “He didn’t want to celebrate Christmas the first year without Ben either...but, I made him. Even if all he did was hang up a string of lights in our kitchen and set up the tree in the living room. When we lose someone, the world doesn’t stop turning. I know Ben would hate for Christmas to be ruined for Peter. It hurts, but we keep going.”

Tony just shrugged his shoulders, unsure of what to say. 

“And you didn’t even lose Peter. He’s in a coma, and yes, I know that is  _ terrifying _ , but he’s not dead, Tony. Don’t give up on him yet.”

“What if-- what if I lost him now before I even realized just...what he meant...just what I meant to him.”

May placed her hand on top of his and squeezed it softly. “I know you didn’t lose him.  _ We  _ didn’t lose him. And I also know that you both knew. You tried to dance around it, acting like you weren’t the closest thing he’s had to a dad since Ben and he’s the closest thing you’ve ever had to a kid of your own.” She hardened her look. “He’s fighting in there. I know he is. He’s fighting to come back to me. And he’s fighting to come back to you. There isn’t a doubt in my mind about that.”  

“And you really think I’m enough?”

“I know you’re more than enough. And you saw everything Dr. Strange showed you. I’m not sure what Peter’s life would have looked like without you...but I know it wouldn’t be good. So thank you.”

Tony could have argued it. He could have insisted that Peter was fine without him but, he’d already done that once and he wasn’t about to repeat that...Because even if Tony’s mind tried to convince him otherwise, Tony refused to believe it. He was in Peter’s life for a reason...and a good one at that. 

“You don’t have to thank me. I don’t do any of it for a thanks.”

“Well, I want to thank you anyway. For everything.”

“I could say the same to you.”

May laughed softly. “We can go on for hours just thanking each other back and forth. Why don’t we meet in the middle and thank Peter? He’s the one that brought this little family together.”

Tony smiled.  _ Family.  _ After he lost his mother, he didn’t think he’d want to ever add onto his idea of family...but here he was, sitting besides a comatose kid and his aunt on Christmas. And Tony hoped for years of the same Christmas to come. 

(Except for a small detail of Peter not being unconscious.)

“You know, if you get rid of me before he wakes up, you’ve still got a chance to convince him I was just a dream,” he joked with a smile. 

“Keep it up and I just may, Tony Stark,” she teased right back.

Yeah, this was the family Tony had spent most of his life searching for… 

And he wouldn’t change a thing.

 

\--

 

The snow continued to fall even after the sunset and it was too dark to see it falling outside the window. May was laying down in her chair with her head resting in Tony’s lap. He told her the couch was only a few feet away, but she didn’t want to be further than a few inches from Peter. Not tonight.

“I hope it’s still snowing when he wakes up,” May whispered, reading his mind. 

“I’ll invent a snow machine if I have to. I’ll rig it to a ceiling in the tower and it will rain shaved ice.”

“Built in snow cone machine, huh?”

“He’s gonna eat so many snow cones, his entire brain will freeze.”

May laughed, looking up at him with raised eyebrows. “You may think you’re joking, but if you don’t give him a limit, he won’t stop eating it. Especially if it’s covered in sugar.”

“Oh, believe me I know. Made the mistake of letting him order  _ anything  _ off of Amazon and he bought like a 50lb bag of gummy worms. Ate them all over the course of one weekend.”

“Was only like 30lbs. Didn’t sell 50lbs. I checked.”

“Thank goodness, you were off the walls as it was-- Peter, holy shit!”

“Language,” Peter teased, wincing slightly as he laughed. 

“Peter, baby, you’re awake!” May cried, sitting up and leaning forward. She stopped just before she engulfed him in a hug. She didn’t want to hurt him.

“Yeah...kept hearing annoying voices while I slept. Figured if I didn’t wake up soon, you two were gonna have a fit.”

“Oh, thank God,” May said as she leaned forward and kissed his forehead, unable to hold herself back. “Really is a Christmas miracle.”

Tony looked at the two and noticed the hand Peter was holding up for him to grab while May peppered his face with kisses. Tony smiled as he took the hand in his, finally after days of nothing, it squeezed back. 

  
  


Sometimes, miracles weren’t answered prayers or life-saving acts of divine mercy.

But, sometimes, they were.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Come scream at me: parkrstark.tumblr.com


End file.
